Change
I’ve struggled with Sunday mornings for almost 7 years. It
was seven years ago I realized that Sundays were my “struggle day” my dark day.
Some Sundays I literally lifted my legs out of bed with my hands and put my
feet to the floor in the morning. I would pray out loud God help me “fake it
till I make it”. I purposed in my heart, soul and mind with God’s help not to
give in to satan’s schemes to keep me from His people, His worship and His
lessons on His day.
Church and gathering together with those brothers and sisters
in Christ is not an option it is a command from God and like all of His
commands it is for my own good. Deep down
in my soul I knew that to be true! I
needed to be in church, to hear His word, to praise His name and to be with His
people.
My “Sunday” life had changed so dramatically from being a pastor’s
wife surrounded by my family and others to being a very lonely woman in the
pew. Going to church was a reminder of what was and for quite a while I could
not see what would be.
As the years moved forward and God’s healing took place (and
continues to take place) the intense Sunday struggle became less intense. I
recognized and identified that if I was going to feel depressed and struggle it
was going to be Sundays and I needed to be as proactive as possible. I prayed
and talked to the Lord about it. I sat with my daughter and son in-law and made
a point of visiting with the grandchildren after service. I shared my struggle with my new husband and
others close to me so they could cover me in prayer (and understandingJ).
Today is Sunday and I had anticipated it being a “struggle”
day. You see I helped move my daughter, son in law and three grandchildren an
hour away. (My other daughter son in law and Grandchildren are a 14 hour plane
ride away) I will not be sitting in the
pew beside them or going to collect them after service each Sunday. Please
understand I am so happy for them. God has blessed them to a new community
where I can’t wait to see how He will use them in the community and how He will
use the community in their lives. He has used them in my life so incredibly
over the last number of years, I have been blessed.
As I drove to church today the Lord put a smile and a word
on my heart. The word was “change” oh how life changes. Today change was all
around me. I was seeing the beautiful
leaves changing bright red and yellow and orange. I was feeling the weather
changing to a brisk fall crispness and I was experiencing another change in
life. I picked up my 86 year old mother in law (almost been three years since I
was loved into her family) for church today. She was excited about going to be with His people in His
Church and we talked all the way there of the change in the leaves and the
change in the weather and changes she had been through in her life. We sat
beside each other today and we lifted our hands and voices and eyes to our
precious Lord and thanked Him that we could be there with His people and with
Him. The Lord knew all along that it
could be a “struggle day” for me but He went on ahead of me and prepared a path
so that I could rejoice and see how He has been there with me and how He
honored my cry of helping me “fake it till I make it”. I will make it because
of Him!
