I’ve struggled with Sunday mornings for almost 7 years. It was seven years ago I realized that Sundays were my “struggle day” my dark day. Some Sundays I literally lifted my legs out of bed with my hands and put my feet to the floor in the morning. I would pray out loud God help me “fake it till I make it”. I purposed in my heart, soul and mind with God’s help not to give in to satan’s schemes to keep me from His people, His worship and His lessons on His day.
Church and gathering together with those brothers and sisters in Christ is not an option it is a command from God and like all of His commands it is for my own good. Deep down in my soul I knew that to be true! I needed to be in church, to hear His word, to praise His name and to be with His people.
My “Sunday” life had changed so dramatically from being a pastor’s wife surrounded by my family and others to being a very lonely woman in the pew. Going to church was a reminder of what was and for quite a while I could not see what would be.
As the years moved forward and God’s healing took place (and continues to take place) the intense Sunday struggle became less intense. I recognized and identified that if I was going to feel depressed and struggle it was going to be Sundays and I needed to be as proactive as possible. I prayed and talked to the Lord about it. I sat with my daughter and son in-law and made a point of visiting with the grandchildren after service. I shared my struggle with my new husband and others close to me so they could cover me in prayer (and understandingJ).
Today is Sunday and I had anticipated it being a “struggle” day. You see I helped move my daughter, son in law and three grandchildren an hour away. (My other daughter son in law and Grandchildren are a 14 hour plane ride away) I will not be sitting in the pew beside them or going to collect them after service each Sunday. Please understand I am so happy for them. God has blessed them to a new community where I can’t wait to see how He will use them in the community and how He will use the community in their lives. He has used them in my life so incredibly over the last number of years, I have been blessed.
As I drove to church today the Lord put a smile and a word on my heart. The word was “change” oh how life changes. Today change was all around me. I was seeing the beautiful leaves changing bright red and yellow and orange. I was feeling the weather changing to a brisk fall crispness and I was experiencing another change in life. I picked up my 86 year old mother in law (almost been three years since I was loved into her family) for church today. She was excited about going to be with His people in His Church and we talked all the way there of the change in the leaves and the change in the weather and changes she had been through in her life. We sat beside each other today and we lifted our hands and voices and eyes to our precious Lord and thanked Him that we could be there with His people and with Him. The Lord knew all along that it could be a “struggle day” for me but He went on ahead of me and prepared a path so that I could rejoice and see how He has been there with me and how He honored my cry of helping me “fake it till I make it”. I will make it because of Him!