Why am I surprised at how God shows up in my life?
Today I began my Advent Study, an on line study of the book “The
Inner Voice of Love by Henri Nouwen. It
is a book that I have read “snippets” from before and it is not the study I had
planned on doing through this advent.
As I opened my email this morning I opened an advent study that
I don’t remember registering for but there it was. There was God! J
Just for some background, we were directed to read from 25
pages over this next week and basically answer three questions:
1. What is God saying to you?
2. How will we respond?
3. Pray about it all.
As I began to read the first Imperative God was not just
speaking to me He was confirming to me all that I have been pondering over the
last month!
I did not have to read past the first imperative; “Go into
the Place of your Pain.”
As I read Nouwen’s words “Live through your pain gradually –thus
deprive it of its power over you.”
It reinforced the picture story I have been feeling in my
soul over the last few weeks.
I have been visualizing a clear hose (my life) and it is
filled with “gunk”, black chunky
“gunk”, which has clogged everything up.
“gunk”, which has clogged everything up.
The “gunk” at times over my life has tried to sputter out
and for short times I have allowed it to. I have allowed just enough at times to
get a trickle of clear pure water. When this occurs there is a freshness, a
safeness and a purity that washes over my life. It is how I want to live but
then the gunk starts to clog up again and for a while I have droplets and I so desperately
hold on to those droplets not wanting the “gunk” to come forward. When this
happens in panic I seek to stop the “gunk “and thus stop the droplets too. I don’t want the “gunk” so I shut it all down.
The “gunk” darkens everything and I try
my hardest to push all the “gunk” back in and make it stay clogged. This is
where I have been over the last year the droplets can’t even find their way
through and the gunk ha filled me up and oozing out.
I have felt the Lord waiting on me to see if I am really
ready to rid myself of the “gunk” and in order to do that I have to examine the
“gunk”. What is it in me? Where has it come from and am I willing to yank it
out so I can flow clear?
As I continued to read Nouwen's words, I could identify with these
thoughts. I could see how living in these words, truly living in them could
help dig the “gunk” out. These are truths that the Lord has for me, to set me
free from the “gunk” so that I can flow clear ultimately for Him!
1.
“The old pains, attachments and desires that
once meant so much need to be buried.”
2.
“Weep
over lost pains to be free to live fully in your new place without melancholy
or homesickness.”
3.
“The more roots you have in the new place, the
more capable of mourning the loss of the old place.”
Today the “gunk” is being dug out and with God holding me we
will continue to dig it out.
I don’t want to “clog” the gunk up and let a trickle out, I want a clear flow to begin with the occasional “gunk” to sputter out.
I don’t want to “clog” the gunk up and let a trickle out, I want a clear flow to begin with the occasional “gunk” to sputter out.
I am weeping, burying and putting down roots in the new
place He has brought me to so that I can live and flow fully for Him!
