How God…

 

Why am I surprised at how God shows up in my life?

Today I began my Advent Study, an on line study of the book “The Inner Voice of Love by Henri Nouwen.  It is a book that I have read “snippets” from before and it is not the study I had planned on doing through this advent.

As I opened my email this morning I opened an advent study that I don’t remember registering for but there it was. There was God! J

Just for some background, we were directed to read from 25 pages over this next week and basically answer three questions:

1. What is God saying to you?

2. How will we respond?

 3. Pray about it all.

As I began to read the first Imperative God was not just speaking to me He was confirming to me all that I have been pondering over the last month!

I did not have to read past the first imperative; “Go into the Place of your Pain.”

As I read Nouwen’s words “Live through your pain gradually –thus deprive it of its power over you.”

It reinforced the picture story I have been feeling in my soul over the last few weeks.

I have been visualizing a clear hose (my life) and it is filled with “gunk”, black chunky
“gunk”, which has clogged everything up.

The “gunk” at times over my life has tried to sputter out and for short times I have allowed it to. I have allowed just enough at times to get a trickle of clear pure water. When this occurs there is a freshness, a safeness and a purity that washes over my life. It is how I want to live but then the gunk starts to clog up again and for a while I have droplets and I so desperately hold on to those droplets not wanting the “gunk” to come forward. When this happens in panic I seek to stop the “gunk “and thus stop the droplets too.  I don’t want the “gunk” so I shut it all down.  The “gunk” darkens everything and I try my hardest to push all the “gunk” back in and make it stay clogged. This is where I have been over the last year the droplets can’t even find their way through and the gunk ha filled me up and oozing out.

I have felt the Lord waiting on me to see if I am really ready to rid myself of the “gunk” and in order to do that I have to examine the “gunk”. What is it in me? Where has it come from and am I willing to yank it out so I can flow clear?

As I continued to read Nouwen's words, I could identify with these thoughts. I could see how living in these words, truly living in them could help dig the “gunk” out. These are truths that the Lord has for me, to set me free from the “gunk” so that I can flow clear ultimately for Him!

1.       “The old pains, attachments and desires that once meant so much need to be buried.”

2.        “Weep over lost pains to be free to live fully in your new place without melancholy or homesickness.”

3.       “The more roots you have in the new place, the more capable of mourning the loss of the old place.”

 

Today the “gunk” is being dug out and with God holding me we will continue to dig it out.
I don’t want to “clog” the gunk up and let a trickle out, I want a clear flow to begin with the occasional “gunk” to sputter out.

I am weeping, burying and putting down roots in the new place He has brought me to so that I can live and flow fully for Him!

 

This has been a day of deep contemplation.

I was so blessed this morning to be in a church service that was focused on the Lord. Many people took a step of obedience and were baptized. I cried while watching each of my brothers and sisters in Christ go under the water and come back up and I cried while singing worship and thanksgiving to our Lord!

I also cried this morning remembering a sister in Christ I met only a few weeks ago while in China.  This sister could not publicly display her love of Christ but instead she quietly sat down on the floor beside me, looked me in the eye and whispered in her broken English “We have the same Father, thank you for being here”.  She quietly whispered that her entire family loved Jesus. We hugged and I called her my sister. My eyes welled with tears as I thanked our Father for her and I thanked her for sharing and caring!  I thanked Him again for her today and for the gift she gave me of trusting me and sharing her faith. How brave she was to follow the Lord’s leading and share with me. How blessed I was to receive her gift!

Today I shed many tears, they were tears for my Chinese Sister but they were also tears for so many friends, family and strangers in the world that have the freedom to profess Christ and the freedom to love and worship Him but choose not to. My sweet sister in China is willing to sacrifice so much for her Jesus and to love Him with her entire life yet here in North America we ignore Him and His sacrifice for us. It breaks my heart. It breaks my heart to see so many live as they please and turn their backs on all Christ has done for us (this includes me too at times).

 Sisters and brothers will you join with me and pray earnestly for our brothers and sisters in Christ that are being persecuted for their faith but still hold on tight to Jesus? Will you also stay on your knees with me for those in our families and in our work place and those in our world that have every opportunity and freedom to love and live for Christ and choose not to? Pray for revival in our land, pray with love and desperation for our world!

 

Have You ever Washed Someones Feet?

 

 

 

 

 

 

Have You ever Washed Someones Feet?

This morning as our Pastor was reading about the disciples coming to eat with the Lord for the last time and  how shocking it was for them to have Christ stoop down and wash their feet. I was reminded of a room filled with Him while washing feel.  Such a beautiful picture of the Lord the humbleness of Jesus, the servant hood of Jesus the complete abandonment of Jesus. He loved those men so much and I believe they loved him, didn't truly understand His love but loved Him. They (like us today) didn't understanding the sacrifice of Christ's love, the entire abandonment He had for them,  the selflessness and  the humbleness.

I took part in a foot washing while ministering alongside some American and African brothers and sisters  in Kenya that I will never forget. It  was definitely one of those times that I would like to "live in" constantly. It was a time of true filling!   Our team wanted to show our  African brothers and sisters just how much we loved them and how thankful we were for them. Our intention was to bless them with the love that Jesus had given us for them but true to the blessings of the Lord I don't think they were blessed as much as I was.

 After we prayed thanking the Lord for who He was and for each of our brothers and sisters I took a pan of water, soap and towel and got on my knees.  I removed my sister in Christ's well worn, dusty shoes a gentleness and a peace  came over me like I have only felt twice in my life. I felt that warmth, love and peace  the first time I held each of my daughters for the first time. I was filled with a  gentleness, a wonder and a passion for them and for the Lord.

 From my knees while lovingly holding my dear sisters  foot I looked up into her deep beautiful  eyes. Eyes where I truly saw Jesus! Eyes of true love and compassion. Eyes of kindness and grace.

Neither she or I could look away but sat filled with knowing that we were seeing Jesus. We just looked deeply into each other's eyes for a number of minutes and I pray that someday I will experience that true peace and  love again. I was  meeting with Him!

 As I placed her foot into the small tub and took the bar of soap I lathered her foot and she and those around me began to sing. Their angelic voices began to sing a deep praise and love song to the Lord. Their voices reached heaven that day there was no doubt and there was no doubt that we experienced a little of heaven right there where we were.  This "peace" of heaven  continued as  each brother and sister in the room were kneeled before and  where each foot was lathered and rinsed and dried. The presence of the Lord was mighty in that place.

 Today hearing again of how Christ washed the feet of the disciples brought me a mix of emotions I felt Joy- joy for His example,  and I felt sorrow- sorrow for not following His lead each and every day of my life by serving those He has put in my path.  But more than anything I felt hope- hope for  a future where because of Him and His love and His example I can experience and express the true love of Jesus. I am assured that those beautiful moments in Kenya are only a foretaste of what is to come for all of eternity!

Oh Lord, fill me until overflowing with your love so that your love will flow out of me to all those around me.

                                                         

                                                         

What is a Christian? A disciple of Jesus Christ.

What is a disciple of Jesus Christ? A Christian.

“A disciple is a learner, a student, an apprentice a practitioner, even if only a beginner” according to Dallas Willard. If you Google the word or look it up in the dictionary you will find similar definitions.

What does God’s word call us to be?

Yes a disciple.  “Be imitators of me, as I am of Christ” said the Apostle Paul in 1Corinthians 11:1.

More importantly what did Christ command us to do? He told us …”go and make disciples of all nations” Mathew 28:19.

With the above words in mind I was contemplating a quote today that has made me really wonder where I am and where we are as a church big C church in our world today. The quote that has me thinking is “the governing assumption today among professing Christians is that we can be “Christians” forever and never become disciples…That is the accepted teaching now...” Dallas Willard.

It is similar to a saying I have heard for years that we “accept” Christ’s teaching as an insurance policy out of hell and then just live like the rest of the world.”  Where did we ever get that concept of being a Christian from? Have we made the scriptures say what we want them to say to be comfortable in our own laziness and selfishness? Is there any truth in our belief that all we have to do is say a prayer or walk an aisle, put a date in our bible, be baptized and then live our lives the way we want to until the day we die or Jesus comes for us and we will be just fine…safe in His arms?

The rest of Willard’s quote that has me seriously thinking states “Jesus told us explicitly what to do… he told us, as disciples, to make disciples. Not converts to Christianity nor to some particular “faith and practice.” He did not tell us to arrange people to “get in” or “make the cut” after they die, nor to eliminate the various brutal forms of injustice, not to produce and maintain “successful” churches. These are all good things, and he had something to say about all of them. They will certainly happen if-but only if- we are (his constant apprentices) and do (make constant apprentices) what He told us to be and do. If we do this, it will little matter what else we do or do not do.”

I love the use of the word apprentice. I think in our culture we may be able to understand this word better. Many of us have been apprentices in our jobs or during our schooling. We understand that apprentice means action, deliberate action. An apprentice is not a passive position. What does that mean then? If we are called to be an apprentice of Christ (and we are) does it just mean we study Him and fill ourselves with head knowledge? No, as an apprentice we must carry out the knowledge that is bestowed on us. We must be looking more like Christ, the one we are apprenticing under.

 I want to be a Christian in the full truth of what the Lord teaches a Christian to be….His disciple!

Hide and Love



"What matters supremely, therefore is not, in the last analysis, the fact that I know God, but the larger fact which underlies it-the fact that He knows me." J.I. Packer

 

While reading and focusing on this thought;  a game I played with one of the apples of my eye, my sweet 3 year old Granddaughter Elle the other day came to mind.

While  driving ( her mom driving :)) in the mini van Elle was getting a little impatient with our trip to the grocery store. She decided to pull her hat down over her eyes in which I quickly asked her Mommy "where is Elle?" Elle of course thought this was quite funny and pulled her hat back so she could see again. She giggle and spurted out "here I am Nana, I'm right here."  Needless to say we played this game over and over  with all of us  giggling. How cute it was  that she could hide her eyes and think I could not see her because she could not see me! It was a wonderful way to  pass the driving time and it sure made a 3 year old change her attitude!

 

While focusing on the Packer quote and remembering the hat hiding game today, I was reminded of how I have played this "you can't see me game," and have played it for most of my life. I have even played it with my Heavenly Father. I have not pulled a physical hat over my eyes while being impatient but I have certainly hidden; thinking that if I can't see where I really am and what I am really doing no one else can either, not even the Lord! I have often told myself "just don't think about it, just keep going...plow ahead all is fine as long as you don't uncover your eyes." "Just hide."

 

But truly my Lord sees  even when I chose not to. He really sees me, He really knows me, He  created me and is surprised by nothing in my life. I can't hide from Him. He sees me and adores me for who I am because I am His daughter. I am the apple of His eye. He is always there for me no matter where and what I try to hide or hide from.
I think He smiles lovingly (and at times probably giggles) at me just as I did with my little Elle but He has even more love and adoration (which is hard to comprehend but I am trying)!

 He created me I can't hide from Him....He is already there.

Life is not about me and my love for Him, it is all about Him and His love for me!!!!!

Change

I’ve struggled with Sunday mornings for almost 7 years. It was seven years ago I realized that Sundays were my “struggle day” my dark day. Some Sundays I literally lifted my legs out of bed with my hands and put my feet to the floor in the morning. I would pray out loud God help me “fake it till I make it”. I purposed in my heart, soul and mind with God’s help not to give in to satan’s schemes to keep me from His people, His worship and His lessons on His day.

Church and gathering together with those brothers and sisters in Christ is not an option it is a command from God and like all of His commands it is for my own good.   Deep down in my soul I knew that to be true!  I needed to be in church, to hear His word, to praise His name and to be with His people.

My “Sunday” life had changed so dramatically from being a pastor’s wife surrounded by my family and others to being a very lonely woman in the pew. Going to church was a reminder of what was and for quite a while I could not see what would be.

As the years moved forward and God’s healing took place (and continues to take place) the intense Sunday struggle became less intense. I recognized and identified that if I was going to feel depressed and struggle it was going to be Sundays and I needed to be as proactive as possible. I prayed and talked to the Lord about it. I sat with my daughter and son in-law and made a point of visiting with the grandchildren after service.  I shared my struggle with my new husband and others close to me so they could cover me in prayer (and understandingJ).

Today is Sunday and I had anticipated it being a “struggle” day. You see I helped move my daughter, son in law and three grandchildren an hour away. (My other daughter son in law and Grandchildren are a 14 hour plane ride away)  I will not be sitting in the pew beside them or going to collect them after service each Sunday. Please understand I am so happy for them. God has blessed them to a new community where I can’t wait to see how He will use them in the community and how He will use the community in their lives. He has used them in my life so incredibly over the last number of years, I have been blessed.

As I drove to church today the Lord put a smile and a word on my heart. The word was “change” oh how life changes. Today change was all around me.  I was seeing the beautiful leaves changing bright red and yellow and orange. I was feeling the weather changing to a brisk fall crispness and I was experiencing another change in life. I picked up my 86 year old mother in law (almost been three years since I was loved into her family) for church today. She was  excited about going to be with His people in His Church and we talked all the way there of the change in the leaves and the change in the weather and changes she had been through in her life. We sat beside each other today and we lifted our hands and voices and eyes to our precious Lord and thanked Him that we could be there with His people and with Him.  The Lord knew all along that it could be a “struggle day” for me but He went on ahead of me and prepared a path so that I could rejoice and see how He has been there with me and how He honored my cry of helping me “fake it till I make it”. I will make it because of Him!

 

                            I have known

 

I have known rejection but known your love.

I have known fear but known your comfort.

I have known darkens but known your light.

I have known sin but known your grace.

I have known despair but known your hope.

I have known the hard things but known your easy yoke.

I have known great sadness but known your deep joy.

I have known defeat but known your conquering.

I have known anger but known your peace.

I have lived life so I have known you!

Hope--God given for all of us!

I just finished reading Pure Eyes, Clean Hearts by Jen and Craig Ferguson. A story that has washed God's love, peace and hope over me today. A story of struggle and a story of hope, the hope we all have in Jesus Christ. This is a book about marriage, commitment, honesty and community. A book that should be read by "not married yet", "just married", "married and struggling", "married and at peace" and "married again". A reminder that as a married couple we are on the same team (when our hearts are knit together in Christ) and that we do not fight against flesh and blood but against the evil one. Thank you Jen and Craig for exposing the darkness and following the Lord!

The Breeze of Grace and Peace

A beautiful breeze blows through the pages of my words.

I feel it blow through my fingers as a write.

I see if blow through the garden flowers.

It blows reminding me of goodness and grace of kindness and love, of gentleness and peace of rest and calm.

 

Grace and Peace be yours in abundance 1 Peter 1:2b

HE makes me smile :)

I love the diversity of big cities. There is something about being one among many hundreds from all over the world. I love getting out of my own little boxed in world. For when I do I think I get a real perspective on all who God has created and all who I am privledged and called to love. I need to see outside the color of my skin and hear outside the language on my lips.

Yesterday was Freshmen move in day at Harvard University, and what does that have to do with me or my opening statements....

Well, I had the privilege of spending the day exploring Harvard on this particular exciting day. Although the area was beautiful and historic my favorite part of my day at Harvard was just watching and listening to the people. I truly had a smile on my face all day! It may have looked silly but I believe God put it there and I could not remove it!

My senses were on overload in a wonderful way! I could smell the foods from many different countries offered up in outdoor cafes. I could hear many different languages and dialects and my eyes truly marveled and enjoyed the colors of beautiful faces I could see.

It was a day of reminders for me. Reminders that the Lord loves each and every one of us no matter where we are from or what language we speak. It gave me a little glimpse of heaven here on earth of all the people and nations that will be singing praises to our Lord together one day. It also reminded me that the Lord has left me here to be salt and light to all that I come in contact with in preparation for that great day when we join Him!

I do long for the day when I believe I will never be able to take the smile off my face as I and my brothers and sisters praise our wonderful Creator, Savior and Lord!!!

Who are you walking this Blessed but Muddy life with?



 

I have been listening to a song over and over today. I just can't get the words or the vision the words conjure up out of my head. I know the Lord is speaking to me. This past Friday I  finished a nine week study of 1 & 2 Thessalonians with some beautiful daughters of Lord. We spent quite a bit of time talking about what the words of this song speak about. We shared stories of  real life battles that we ourselves or those very close to us were going through.  We prayed for one another, we cried for one another and we laughed with one another. We walked together on this road of life for awhile!

How  truly blessed we are that the Lord has given us this gift of each other. If only we would all open this package and leave it open. Our Father wants us to stay close to Him and to our brothers and sisters especially as the time grows closer to His coming.

We need to not only hold each other up and strengthen each other with His word and His love; we also at times need to be there to pick each other up when we fall. All of us have had times when we have fallen and could not get up without those that God had put on our path. Sadly  I know there have been times in my life when  God had offered me the gift of helping to pick up a brother or sister from the mud and I did not. Forgive me  my Lord and forgive me my siblings.

This world continually reminds us that we are in a battle and we know that the battle is not against flesh and blood but against the evil one. Satan is taking all the blows he can to cause believers to fall and not get up. I have been reminded it is he who I listen to when I turn the other way and not reach out with God's love to pick people up. It is satan I listen to when I have fallen and I refuse to ask or accept the help of a brother or sister. The Lord did not create us to walk this earth alone but to walk together side with Him leading the way.

Let's link arms together with the power, strength, devotion and love of our Lord and walk this blessed and muddy life together!

Now may Lord of peace himself give you peace at all times and in every way. The Lord be with all of YOU. 2Thessalonians 3:16

I would encourage you to listen carefully to the link below as the Isaacs perform "Another Soldier down" http://youtu.be/rnTDYtusHmI


 ....for my house will be called a house of prayer for all nations. Isaiah 56:7b

 

 

May all of our "Houses" be "Houses" of prayer for all the nations. Nothing is needed more right now in our world than "Houses" of prayer. May we fall on our faces in prayer for the nations.

Will you commit to just 5 minutes a day this week to be a "house" of prayer for the nations?

There is no other job on earth more important than prayer! Come to the Lord as His child with peace, trust and urgency, count it a privlege and a duty!

 

A Little bit of "Nothing"....

A Little bit of Nothing..

 

Do you like the foam in a latte?

Do you ever find your self taking the lid off the cup and savoring just the foam? Have you ever just scooped it out on your finger and just enjoyed it? I caught myself lid off, finger in the cup and scooping foam this morning. Ah enjoyable!

 

Foam really is “nothing”, it’s mostly air but oh how enjoyable that “nothing” was this morning.

As I sat outside doing what I would most days classify as “nothing” God reminded me how enjoyable a few minutes of nothing can be.

 I could hear the wind lightly blowing through the trees and at least three different kinds of birds chatting. I could see the acorns hitting the ground and I felt the tiny ant crawling on my arm and tasted the “nothing” of the latte foam. How enjoyable were my moments of “nothing” this morning. I was just being and not doing. Just listening and not talking. Just waiting and not hurrying.

And why did I find these moments so enjoyable, because in our hurried, always wanting to be productive world we have very few moments of “nothing”. When we miss our nothing moments we miss so much. God has been reminding me in so many ways to stop doing and just start being. He reminds me that I would learn so much more and walk so much closer to Him if I would take those what I and the world  call “nothing” moments and be in them. Hear Him, See Him, Feel Him, And Taste Him.  He is good and He is in every moment! I have to stop missing Him.

 

How many “nothing moments” did you enjoy this week? I am praying for each of us right now. I am praying we will take the “Nothing Challenge”! Take   10 minutes this weekend to enjoy a “Nothing” moment.

Just rest in “nothing” and enjoy!J

We all have a story and God brings us into community in so many ways to be a support, to lift one another up and at times to carry one another. Sometimes He brings us into community at work, at school in a neighborhood and sometimes on social media. This morning on FB I was encouraged by the community I saw their reaching out with HOPE for one another. There are so many of us with such deep, deep wounds. Truly only God can cleanse those wounds.

It has been a few years now since one of my deepest hurts and betrayal was experienced.  It has been few years since I really wondered if I would ever laugh and have HOPE again. During the deep darkness, light would peek through and it would come through a word or a loved one that God had sent for me. Early in the darkness He brought the word HOPE to me. I really didn’t feel like I had hope and I knew I needed to focus on this word He sent.   I filled my home, my mind and my space with everything I could find that had HOPE written on it. I wrote out bible verses with the word HOPE in it. I found coffee cups and little plaques and t shirts and note paper with HOPE on it. Even though one might say it was just a word and they were just things I can tell you they were more than that, they were something concrete for me to focus on. With each glance at the word I remembered that my HOPE was in the Lord and He would somehow bring me through this.

It’s been more than six years since the on start of the deep betrayal and six years since my hope “collection” began and I still get excited when I see the word HOPE somewhere! I am still discovering verses in the word that speak of HOPE!

 I sit here today with a huge smile on my face because I not only see the word HOPE I feel HOPE and I know HOPE!  Be encouraged my dear sisters when you can’t feel the HOPE see it, know it. See it on a coffee mug, see it on a t-shirt and truly see it in the community the Lord has put around you and the WORD He has given you.

 

I have been allowing the delay of this blog for too long so here I go……

 

 

Today as I was reading a book by Parker J. Palmer, “Let your life Speak” and I had one of those ah huh moments!

 I have been struggling, really struggling with the concept of sharing some of the chapters of my life in print especially in a blog. I’m not sure that the word struggling defines the battle I have been in since I set out to put in black and white some of my story. I know it has been a spiritual battle, I have felt it deep in my soul. 

I have been running from the Lord for many years now. I know He has been calling me to share my story in black and white, to show His love and power. I could not put into words exactly what I was feeling and why I was running until today.

 

As I read Palmer’s penned words about his life I felt like I was seeing very clearly what I have been feeling about my life and my story.

Palmer writes, “The story of my journey is no more or less important than anyone else’s. It is simply the best source of data I have on a subject where generalization often fails but truth may be found in the details.”

Oh, thank you God for these words I know they have come from you.

Everyone does have a story and mine is no more important or special then anyone else’s but what is important is what I do with my story.

 I have shared my story when I was least expecting to over the last few years. I have been led to share with a perfect stranger while hiking Multnomah Falls, with a sister in Christ in Kenya and a life long friend who I hadn’t seen in years as well as many others. Each time I knew God had set up our meetings for a reason. He had led us to share with one another our stories. We shared details and truths that led us into a relationship if even just for an hour that would forever impact us. We created community by sharing with one another. What an encouragement and blessing we were to each other. How thankful I was to listen and share with them.

 

 This is why I will be obedient to the Lord and not waste the chapters of my life by keeping them to myself. I will share them to encourage and empower others. I will share them so they will see the faithfulness of our Lord Jesus Christ. I will share them to help build community as God has called us to do. I will share them because that is what life is meant to be, shared.

As I share my story through this blog I pray that others will share with me. I pray that we will form a community. It will be a community of story tellers who will focus on the details so that the Lord will be glorified and others will be encouraged!